“This stuff smacks!” Ghost of Bob Marley More testimonials

Why Buy From Us

Why Buy From Us

Being a buyer in the cannabis market today comes with a plethora of buying options at your disposal. From the dispensary to the street dealer, Cloud Hempistry stands out among them in a class all its own; offering you several distinct benefits which you should be aware of.

Before presenting the general list of benefits which follows, we will first now directly address the dispensaries. (The street dealer being already soundly dismissed.)

Cloud Hempistry v. Dispensaries

If what we claim is true—as it incontrovertibly is—that our cannabis products (including all flower, edibles, tinctures, and extracts) are as pure and potent as what can be found at a state licensed dispensary, then why bother making the switch?

There are several significant advantages for you when electing to procure your cannabis product from Cloud Hempistry, rather than from the dispo; as follows:

Superior curing methodology

Dispensary flower is cured using outdated cannabis curing methods. They hold to these obsolete methods because their business models do not necessitate, nor do they incentivize, innovation in this regard.

Their curing methods yield a product that is not only demonstrably inferior; their curing methods also yield a product that is still considered a “controlled substance” by the Feds; and, as such, you will inevitably encounter issues if pulled over by the cops, and observed to be with an “open container”.

Possession of dispensary product is justification for a search; whether or not you have a “cannabis card” is irrelevant. The cops can still get a search warrant; and they can still hit you with a DUI; and they can still charge you if your possessed quantity is above the legal limit.

Conversely, Cloud Hempistry product is cured using the latest advancements in cannabis curing science. This not only yields a product which is categorically superior in every conceivable metric; it also simultaneously (and ingeniously, we might add) yields a product that is classified as so-called “hemp” by the Feds.

It is quite literally illegal for a cop to interfere in the transport of our product (even across state lines); regardless of quantity; and he can be sued if he dares to do so. You can have 10 pounds in the trunk, and tell him to take a walk. (There are only a couple of states which even attempt to defy this law; but their attempts are futile.)

No “Cannabis Card” needed

Before you are even able to patronize a dispensary in participating jurisdictions, you need to have what is typically referred to in common parlance as a “cannabis card”. This card is issued by the government; and, once issued, typically needs to be renewed on a recurring basis.

Cloud Hempistry imposes no such ludicrous government red tape.

All payment methods accepted

Dispensaries only deal in cash.

Cloud Hempistry accepts all the usual digital online payment methods.

No enforced limits

At the dispensary, there are legally enforced limits as to the quantity and/or weight of product that you can buy at one time.

Cloud Hempistry enforces no such limits; thereby enabling you to benefit from bulk savings.

No privacy infringements

In most jurisdictions, each and every time you buy from a dispensary, you need to swipe your government ID; thereby effectively telling the government that you are now in possession of what the Feds still call a “controlled substance”. The government, therefore, can use this information to discriminate against you; and they often do.

For example, government henchmen can, and frequently do, use this data to regularly deny cannabis users their second amendment rights. We are appalled by this. It’s a fact that guns do not kill people; people do. And if all law-abiding cannabis users are without firearms, then they’re exposed as prime targets for criminals; who, by definition, don’t give a hoot about gun control laws.

Similarly, if cannabis users ever have the misfortune of being involved in a traffic accident, the government, as well as the insurance company, frequently use this swipe data to allege that the cannabis user “may” have been driving while “intoxicated”. (If, for example, the accident occurred 1 hour after you swiped at the dispensary.)

You would then find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to defend against this allegation in a court of law; not a desirable predicament, to say the least. And, if you don’t defend yourself well enough to the judge’s liking, there is the risk that you may consequently be determined by the insurance company to be “at-fault” in the accident; as well as the risk that the cops could charge you with a DUI. Don’t say it can’t happen; we’ve seen it.

Conversely, when you do business with Cloud Hempistry, there are zero such privacy infringements. With Cloud Hempistry, your private affairs stay private; and the only people who know you use cannabis are the ones who you tell with your own mouth. As it should be. 🤐

Cloud Hempistry v. other purveyors

So, you’re convinced that Cloud Hempistry has the clear advantage over both the dispo, and the street dealer? Very astute!

But now you’re wondering: What sets Cloud Hempistry apart from other copycat purveyors dressed up to look like us?

We’re glad you asked!

3 decades of cannabis industry experience

Our experience goes back to the 90’s. We were there for brick schwag, nickle bags, beasters, dro, and headies. (And ducking the cops … and the stick-up boys. “Catch me if you can, suckas!“)

While it certainly is nostalgic to recollect upon your roots, we’re far more excited about where we’re at, and where we’re headed, than where we’ve been.

It has been our absolute joy and privilege to participate in the evolution of this industry; watching as it gradually emerged out of its humble, nascent origins; and then stand witness as it continues to blossom into what it is today.

We maintain acute awareness at all times of the rapidly progressing advancements in cannabis science research; and this awareness is evidenced by the sophistication of our products.

It seems like each new day brings with it a novel discovery that demonstrates the unique health benefits of cannabinoids and terpenes; as well as the synergistic properties associated with their confluence. With the emergence of each new discovery in this regard, we move to integrate the new found knowledge into our product line; thereby keeping pace with the rate of advancement.

It’s an exciting time, indeed; and we’re on the cutting edge of it.

Customer satisfaction is our one and only concern

We pride ourselves on our hard‑earned reputation in the marketplace for unsurpassed customer service; to which any one of the multitude of our longtime and loyal patrons can attest.

Focus on customer education

Upon observing the sheer magnitude of misinformation which plagues our industry, we couldn’t just stand idly on the sidelines and watch as consumers are misled and exploited by unscrupulous vendors.

Ignorance can only be cured with knowledge; and if there’s one thing we know, it’s cannabis.

In our every interaction, with each and every customer, we take the time to answer all questions; even those you don’t know to ask. In this way, our patrons are sure to receive exactly what they need.

In some cases, you may not know what you need. We are likewise capable and prepared to, in those scenarios, ask you the right discovery questions; your answers to which will enable us to work together to hone in on the right cannabis product for you.

Our products are unique and handcrafted

In contrast to nearly the entire cannabis/hemp/CBD market, our products are much more than just a different label … they are truly authentic.

Furthermore, our entire lines of both cannabis tinctures and cannabis/hemp topicals are entirely handcrafted.

For each product in our entire catalog, you’d be hard pressed to find anything like it, anywhere else.

Verified pure ingredients

Our world class extracts, edibles, tinctures, and topicals are comprised only of the purest source cannabinoid and terpene concentrates.

A claim which is backed by third-party lab analysis.

Over a decade of skincare experience

The cannabis and hemp skin care and topical products we hand craft have been made, tested, and used amongst our family and friends for over a decade. We know they work, and want to share them with you.

Cruelty free

Our products are cruelty free, and never tested on animals.

Fair trade

We have developed close relationships with our hemp / cannabis growers whom we have verified engage in fair trade practices. Our industry is rife with slave and forced labor, and we do our part to ensure that those inhumane practitioners are not funded by us.

Synopsis

It is no exaggeration to state that Cloud Hempistry is eminently capable of not only meeting, but exceeding, the cannabis needs of each and every cannabis enthusiast on the planet.

That’s a bold claim; and that’s why we saved it for last; because with the context of everything which preceded it, that bold claim can be made with confidence and credibility.

  • Whether you are a medicinal user seeking relief from chronic pain;
  • or a recreational user who thrives on exploration and experimentation;
  • or a wellness enthusiast interested in keeping insomnia or stress at bay;
  • or a connoisseur in search of a world class experience;
  • or a cannabis lifestyle adopter for whom cannabis is a way of life;
  • or a canna-curious newcomer who just needs proper guidance;
  • no matter who you are, or where you’re at in your cannabis journey, Cloud Hempistry is the qualified guide you’ve been looking for.

And we would be absolutely stoked to meet you! Our house is your house; welcome home.

Membership Benefits